I hate Peyton Manning. I hate the way he looks:
I hate the way he plays football. I hate the way shuffles his feet in the pocket like a rooster walking on a bed of nails. I hate that he runs like a giraffe that’s been afflicted with the gout. I hate the way he wears his shoulder pads. I hate his number. I hate that he looks as though he ran into a brick wall and his face just stayed that way. I hate the faces he makes when he’s trying to look intense:
I hate the faces he makes when he’s just choked – again:
I hate his face:
I hate Tennessee for no other reason than that he went there. I hate the Colts for no other reason than that he plays for them.
I hate any success that he has. I hate that he’ll probably end up with most of the major NFL passing records. I hate that those records will lead people to think that he’s better than he is. I hate that
he won a Super Bowl the Chicago Bears handed him a Super Bowl. I hate that winning a Super Bowl not losing to Rex Grossman in the Super Bowl seems to have erased all of the times he’s choked in big games. I love when he chokes in big games.
I hate the Houston Texans, Jacksonville Jaguars, and Tennessee Titans for not figuring out how to win the division and keep him out of the playoffs. I hate the way the officials call roughing the passer if a defensive player so much as breathes on him. I hate that the NFL changed the rules to make it easier for him to pass against aggressive defenses.
I hate the way the press fawns all over him. I hate that whenever the Colts lose, the press claims it’s not his fault. I hate that whenever he loses he whines and blames his teammates. I hate that the press still calls him classy. I hate that no one ever mentions the sexual harassment charges that a Tennessee trainer made against him, and that seem warranted.
I hate his commercials. I hate that he’s in so many commercials. I hate that all of his commercials are stupid. I hate that so many other people like his commercials. I hate Mastercard because of this:
I hate Justin Timberlake because of this:
I hate Surrealism because of this:
I hate bubble wrap because of this:
I hate every product that Peyton Manning has ever endorsed.
I hate his performance on SNL. I hate SNL for having him. I hate all the people who thought his SNL performance was great.
I hate that he was raised by a former NFL quarterback, with a silver spoon in his mouth, and yet everyone talks about him as though he’s some blue collar everyman. I hate that everyone talks about what a great teammate he is even though none of his teammates really seem to like him.
I hate his brother.
I hate his father.
I don’t know anything about his mother, but I hate her for raising him the way she has.
I hate that Peyton Manning is the devil:
Yes. Indeed. I hate Peyton Manning.