Archive for January 2011

Peyton Manning Sucks!   3 comments

I hate Peyton Manning.  I hate the way he looks:

I hate the way he plays football.  I hate the way shuffles his feet in the pocket like a rooster walking on a bed of nails.  I hate that he runs like a giraffe that’s been afflicted with the gout.  I hate the way he wears his shoulder pads.  I hate his number.  I hate that he looks as though he ran into a brick wall and his face just stayed that way.  I hate the faces he makes when he’s trying to look intense:

I hate the faces he makes when he’s just choked – again:

I hate his face:

I hate Tennessee for no other reason than that he went there.  I hate the Colts for no other reason than that he plays for them.

I hate any success that he has.  I hate that he’ll probably end up with most of the major NFL passing records.  I hate that those records will lead people to think that he’s better than he is.  I hate that he won a Super Bowl the Chicago Bears handed him a Super Bowl.  I hate that winning a Super Bowl not losing to Rex Grossman in the Super Bowl seems to have erased all of the times he’s choked in big games.  I love when he chokes in big games.

I hate the Houston Texans, Jacksonville Jaguars, and Tennessee Titans for not figuring out how to win the division and keep him out of the playoffs.  I hate the way the officials call roughing the passer if a defensive player so much as breathes on him.  I hate that the NFL changed the rules to make it easier for him to pass against aggressive defenses.

I hate the way the press fawns all over him.  I hate that whenever the Colts lose, the press claims it’s not his fault.  I hate that whenever he loses he whines and blames his teammates.  I hate that the press still calls him classy.  I hate that no one ever mentions the sexual harassment charges that a Tennessee trainer made against him, and that seem warranted.

I hate his commercials.  I hate that he’s in so many commercials.  I hate that all of his commercials are stupid.  I hate that so many other people like his commercials.  I hate Mastercard because of this:

I hate Justin Timberlake because of this:

I hate Surrealism because of this:

I hate bubble wrap because of this:

I hate every product that Peyton Manning has ever endorsed.

I hate his performance on SNL.  I hate SNL for having him.  I hate all the people who thought his SNL performance was great.

I hate that he was raised by a former NFL quarterback, with a silver spoon in his mouth, and yet everyone talks about him as though he’s some blue collar everyman.  I hate that everyone talks about what a great teammate he is even though none of his teammates really seem to like him.

I hate his brother.

I hate his father.

I don’t know anything about his mother, but I hate her for raising him the way she has.

I hate that Peyton Manning is the devil:

Yes.  Indeed.  I hate Peyton Manning.

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Posted January 28, 2011 by David Messmer in Uncategorized